Recently, I've been learning about the different types of love in the Bible. Specifically, the four Greek words for love mentioned in the New Testament: Agape, Philia, Storge, and Eros. After I was done studying each one, it dawned on me...each is necessary for a marriage to last.
First off, there is agape. This is the sacrificial and unconditional love that comes from God. All Christians are obligated to love in this way. Agape is the universal love, if you would. We should agapao (verb tense) everyone, including our enemies. Agape is not based on feelings, but actions. Agape is best described in 1 Corinthians 13. When couples make the vow, "for better or for worse," this love gets them through the worse. It's for when we don't feel like loving our spouse.
The second type of love is philia. This love is based on a strong liking or deep friendship. You can agapao your enemies but you can't phileo them.This is why it is sooo important to marry your best friend. Think about it. You live with this person. You spend most of your time with him or her. Thus liking your spouse is vital. If you'd rather spend all your time with another person, your marriage is in trouble. Proverbs 17:17 says that a true friend stays a friend through good and bad times. Hmmm...that sounds a lot like marriage vows...
The third type of love is storge. This refers to the natural affection of family. I really didn't start feeling this until Kayla came into our life. Until then, I saw Jon and me only as a couple instead of a family unit. The Bible says a man will leave is mom and dad to cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. I can't imagine any closer bond than that. You and your spouse might have come each from your own families, but marriage has made you a new family. Decisions should be based on what's best for the unit, not the individual.
Last but not least is eros. The erotic love. Some people really shy away from this one, but that's silly. What do you think separates the one you choose to marry from the one you don't? Physical attraction!! I mean, really. Let's be adults here. Sex is a wonderful part of marriage. Even the Bible tells us not to abstain for too long in marriage to protect us from temptation (1Corinthians 7:5). If eros wasn't important, adultery would not be an issue in this world.
Drawing a little support from the secular world as well, Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love understands the importance of different feelings working together to create a strong bond between two people. He came up with a triangle that holds a different piece of love at each tip: Intimacy (philia), Passion (eros), and Commitment (agape/storge). Each standing alone or two together created different types of love. But all three together made the strongest: consummate love.
